Divorce throws your life off course. It turns the individual you consider your primary anchor into someone destabilizing your life. It also causes sudden and simultaneous turbulence in other areas – your personalities, routines, beliefs and goals.
However, moving past divorce can also unravel a remarkable resilience you never thought you had. It allows you to discover your capacity to endure waves of pain and suffering.
Since family situations vary, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to moving on. But the path is often not straightforward and comes in phases.
Marching forward in stages
Moving on does not happen overnight. It takes time and commitment to the process. Thus, experts recommend the following ways to help you march forward at your own pace:
- Mourn: Acknowledge the grief, regret and loneliness from losing the person you married and the family you imagined building. Accept that your unfortunate circumstances are happening and let the tears flow. Crying is not a sign of weakness or something to be ashamed of. Rather, it signals that you are strong enough to confront your feelings.
- Manage: Prepare for the surge of aggressive emotions, such as anger, betrayal and frustration, by sitting with them for a while. However, do not dwell and act recklessly. Instead, forgive yourself to make space for absolving others.
- Modify: Focus on changing your perspective. While dark and difficult days are inevitable, you can gradually turn things around by spending your time constructively. Check items off your bucket list by meeting your friends for that long-overdue dinner or traveling to your dream destination. Form new habits – cook a new recipe every lunch, break a sweat after work or finish a book every week.
- Mend: Celebrate your learnings and victories, whether small or big. Involving your child and your loved ones in the journey can also be rewarding. Ultimately, they understand your struggles more than anyone and form the immediate support system you need during this challenging season.
Additionally, a port in the storm you can rely on is your Vermont representative. As you channel your energy into healing emotionally, you can take refuge in their legal services. They can protect your parental rights in child custody disputes and advocate for your interests in other significant issues, such as property division.
While the overwhelming odds may feel impossible to overcome, divorce is not the end. In fact, it ushers a promising beginning. Embrace the battle scars you sustained from past experiences. Let them serve as meaningful reminders of the life you survived as you await a reimagined future.